Afterthought
Apr. 25th, 2016 10:13 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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who_contestTitle: Afterthought
Rating: PG
Genre: Retrospection, Mild Angst
Word Count: 806
Pairings or Characters: The Doctor, Donna Noble
Spoilers: None
Warnings: None
Summary: The Doctor looks back on his latest bone-chilling adventure and realizes it needn't have been as bone-chilling after all.
In hindsight, he should have seen it coming. He bloody well should have seen it coming.
This is was why travelling alone never worked for him. Not really. Even after the Time War, when all he wanted to do was wallow in his pain and his loneliness… stop.Not her. –Anyhow, sometimes he wondered if wallow was the right word –because with him, ‘wallow’ could quickly turn into ‘revel’… but no. Stop. He didn’t revel in his loneliness. He hated it. Every time he landed, he’d insist on meeting new people. Yes, that was it. He insisted on company. In each and every avatar of his, even the grumpiest of them, he never let himself be alone. Perhaps it was a reflection of how lonely he truly felt, as the Last of the Time Lords… but even then. Even before the Time War, he hadn’t particularly relished being alone. He had run away with his grandchild, for Vega’s sake…
Wait. That was a tangent. He was off on a tangent. Again. Ugh. Not that it helped.
“You all right?” Her bright, fiery eyes were dimmed with concern.
He considered. No, he wasn’t alright. Not in the slightest. His left heart was still beating fast after that horrible, terrible experience.
The silence stretched on, so she answered for him. “Of course you’re not. Sorry. Stupid thing to ask.” Gently, slowly, she held his hand. It was amazing how helpful that was in calming him down.
“Yeah,” he murmured. “I just… can’t forget that feeling. I –I’ve never felt so helpless.” He sank onto a pool chair. Yes, helpless, that was the word. Holy carnation, he never wanted to feel that way again. Ever.
“It’s alright, Doctor,” she said, sitting down next to him, taking both his hands in hers. “It’s over now.”
“Yes, but…” He wanted to tell her, tell her so badly what was actually bothering him. But would she understand?
“But?”
He took a deep breath. “It… it was my fault.”
“What?”
“I should have known, Donna.”
Donna frowned and drew herself up. “Of all the things I thought you’d be, I didn’t think you’d be the self-blaming kind, Doctor. I mean, how in any possible way was this your fault? You did everything you could!”
He shot to his feet. “Yes, but that’s exactly it. I did too much, Donna! I got too excited, I got too absorbed and interested in the problem that I stopped –I actually stopped caring about the others.”
“I don’t believe that!”
“No. No, you don’t understand. I wouldn’t have left them to die, of course not, but I stopped caring. Do you get it? They didn’t matter. Their voices, their opinions, their… problems became none of my concern. All that mattered was the one big problem which was that… that creature, whatever it was, and what I could do to solve it. That’s all I thought about! You see?” He let out a shuddering sigh. “They were just… an afterthought.”
She got it. She understood. He could see it on her face, and the relief at being understood nearly made him grin. Nearly.
“I brought it upon myself, Donna. I stoked them up, then ignored them, and then stoked them up even more. They would’ve killed me, and then they would have brought the creature here and let it spread. The universe, fatally infected by invisible killer mimes. All because of my hubris.”
He watched her as she tried to find a response to that. He wondered what she’d say.
“Well. You know what I say, hindsight is best left behind you.”
He frowned. “But that doesn’t make any-”
She quelled him with a look. “You could try and be more mindful next time, but I’m guessing hubris is hardcoded into your Martian DNA, so –”
“I’m not Martian.”
“Oi! Lemme finish. As I was saying, it looks like you will keep letting your hubris-ful arse get into more trouble. I’ll just have to make sure not to leave you unattended anywhere. I’d like to see a bus full of paranoid space weirdos get through me.”
She looked so furious he couldn’t help it.He grinned a big, toothy grin at her, and gathered her into a tight hug. “Donna Noble, Guardian of the Hubris-ful!”
“Oh, alright, alright, let’s go back to the Tardis already. My God, you feel thinner than before!”
“Well, Time Lords lose weight when they have near-death experiences.”
“Shut up! ... Really?”
“Oh, yeah. Fear burns more calories.”
She stared at him for a long minute, then scoffed and walked away. Still grinning, he followed her. “I had you there for a minute, didn’t I?”
“Shut up.”
“Come on, admit it.”
“I said shut it, spaceman.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
With a chuckle, he shut the Tardis doors. Truthfully, in hindsight, he supposed, he was just glad he’d found Donna Noble.
Rating: PG
Genre: Retrospection, Mild Angst
Word Count: 806
Pairings or Characters: The Doctor, Donna Noble
Spoilers: None
Warnings: None
Summary: The Doctor looks back on his latest bone-chilling adventure and realizes it needn't have been as bone-chilling after all.
In hindsight, he should have seen it coming. He bloody well should have seen it coming.
This is was why travelling alone never worked for him. Not really. Even after the Time War, when all he wanted to do was wallow in his pain and his loneliness… stop.
Wait. That was a tangent. He was off on a tangent. Again. Ugh. Not that it helped.
“You all right?” Her bright, fiery eyes were dimmed with concern.
He considered. No, he wasn’t alright. Not in the slightest. His left heart was still beating fast after that horrible, terrible experience.
The silence stretched on, so she answered for him. “Of course you’re not. Sorry. Stupid thing to ask.” Gently, slowly, she held his hand. It was amazing how helpful that was in calming him down.
“Yeah,” he murmured. “I just… can’t forget that feeling. I –I’ve never felt so helpless.” He sank onto a pool chair. Yes, helpless, that was the word. Holy carnation, he never wanted to feel that way again. Ever.
“It’s alright, Doctor,” she said, sitting down next to him, taking both his hands in hers. “It’s over now.”
“Yes, but…” He wanted to tell her, tell her so badly what was actually bothering him. But would she understand?
“But?”
He took a deep breath. “It… it was my fault.”
“What?”
“I should have known, Donna.”
Donna frowned and drew herself up. “Of all the things I thought you’d be, I didn’t think you’d be the self-blaming kind, Doctor. I mean, how in any possible way was this your fault? You did everything you could!”
He shot to his feet. “Yes, but that’s exactly it. I did too much, Donna! I got too excited, I got too absorbed and interested in the problem that I stopped –I actually stopped caring about the others.”
“I don’t believe that!”
“No. No, you don’t understand. I wouldn’t have left them to die, of course not, but I stopped caring. Do you get it? They didn’t matter. Their voices, their opinions, their… problems became none of my concern. All that mattered was the one big problem which was that… that creature, whatever it was, and what I could do to solve it. That’s all I thought about! You see?” He let out a shuddering sigh. “They were just… an afterthought.”
She got it. She understood. He could see it on her face, and the relief at being understood nearly made him grin. Nearly.
“I brought it upon myself, Donna. I stoked them up, then ignored them, and then stoked them up even more. They would’ve killed me, and then they would have brought the creature here and let it spread. The universe, fatally infected by invisible killer mimes. All because of my hubris.”
He watched her as she tried to find a response to that. He wondered what she’d say.
“Well. You know what I say, hindsight is best left behind you.”
He frowned. “But that doesn’t make any-”
She quelled him with a look. “You could try and be more mindful next time, but I’m guessing hubris is hardcoded into your Martian DNA, so –”
“I’m not Martian.”
“Oi! Lemme finish. As I was saying, it looks like you will keep letting your hubris-ful arse get into more trouble. I’ll just have to make sure not to leave you unattended anywhere. I’d like to see a bus full of paranoid space weirdos get through me.”
She looked so furious he couldn’t help it.He grinned a big, toothy grin at her, and gathered her into a tight hug. “Donna Noble, Guardian of the Hubris-ful!”
“Oh, alright, alright, let’s go back to the Tardis already. My God, you feel thinner than before!”
“Well, Time Lords lose weight when they have near-death experiences.”
“Shut up! ... Really?”
“Oh, yeah. Fear burns more calories.”
She stared at him for a long minute, then scoffed and walked away. Still grinning, he followed her. “I had you there for a minute, didn’t I?”
“Shut up.”
“Come on, admit it.”
“I said shut it, spaceman.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
With a chuckle, he shut the Tardis doors. Truthfully, in hindsight, he supposed, he was just glad he’d found Donna Noble.
